I hate you for the time that has passed.

I hate you every time I see the moon.

I hate you when it snows.

I hate you when I hear live music, did you ever make it to your second show?

I hate that the smallest amount of devotion you ever gave me left me feeling weightless.

I hate you because sunflowers are ruined for me, but I can’t refuse to take their picture.

I hate you because you’ve ruined my poetry.

I hate you because I had to give all of your pictures back.

I hate you because I’ll never know how not to love you.

I find myself driving around the curves of Ridgefield and wonder if you once knew these roads so well you got lost in thought and forgot you were even driving.

Are these treelines and old houses etched into your memory and if so, could I communicate through past trajectories to reach you now?

That’s unlikely.

I remember I looked at you with sunglasses covering my eyes. Our eyes are the windows to our souls. I was too scared to show you that.

If I had, you would have seen a fire that burned so hot, and so bright, and so long for you…

Lose everything.

There in that moment.

Extinguished by my tears.

As winter moves closer she brings darker nights.

A time to rest and feel restless comes together in a dance, but there’s no certainty of who takes the lead from one day to the next.

If you were born under the approaching stars of winter, perhaps you naturally move through the dance steps with your eyes closed. With ease and grace.

You came into the world at her darkest hour, after all.

Maybe for your mother, you became her eternal bright light. Twinkling like the Christmas lights she forever hangs to drive out the darkness.

December nights come early.

💜 to my first born daughter 💜